Right after 9/11 I spent some time questioning if what I was doing with my life mattered. I know I wasn’t alone. At the time I was working fulltime in the recreational scuba diving industry. It was my job to write about and teach about ways to make scuba diving safer. It was a good life and gave me chances to travel all over the world, but it definitely wasn’t finding a cure for cancer or ending hunger.
I finally concluded that while scuba diving might not change the world or earn me a Nobel Prize, it was important because people still had to relax. They still had to take vacations. They still had to unwind from their stressful jobs and do the things they loved to do. In some ways, it was probably more important for people to remember normalcy. At the time, I remember a lot of people using the phrase “If we change, we are letting the terrorists win.” It became a cliché, but it was true.
For the last year, I’ve been working for myself; writing books, blogging and creating documentaries. In some cases, they were serious pursuits and in other cases simple amusement. I was enjoying myself and thankful for the opportunity to create and express myself.
And then came last Friday and the killings in Newtown, Connecticut. I had the same feelings I had in 2001 after 9/11. I questioned whether I had anything to say, if what I was saying was important and how soon was “too soon” to return to writing about random things and humor. The next morning I wrote a blog post about a man I interviewed while the attack was happening , but other than that, there wasn’t much I felt like saying. I ended up going to two parties on Saturday, but I heard very little conversation about the school shooting. It seemed like no one knew what to say.
Tomorrow, my blog will be simultaneously posted online and in the local Neighbors section of the local paper. It’s about Christmas traditions and the idea of making memories with our families rather than focusing on the gifts and the stress of the holidays. I wrote the blog last week, several days before the tragedy happened. Honestly, in my mind, it is truer this week than it was last week.
I don’t know the answer to the “too soon” question and I’m sure it’s different for everyone. I think, in response to this latest national tragedy, we should focus more on our own families, our own traditions and our own relationships and what Christmas and this holiday season is supposed to be about.
I’m still not 100 percent comfortable with writing fiction and “fun stuff” but it is coming. There is a saying that “Writers don’t write because they want to, they write because they must.” It is probably a quote, but I’m not sure who said it. Life goes on and we still have to live. We just have to find our new normal. I hope we spend less time in the near future worrying about the little stuff and more energy on the stuff the really matters. And suddenly, I think, what really matters is different than it was a week ago.
